Yes!

Just when I was about the let it go... give up completely... resign myself to WAIT! Something happened. Two brain-cells collided on the way to the market and this thing... It was hard to find a direction that felt genuine. I know, an artist residency; one should feel full of inspiration, free and energized! But sometimes it's the complete opposite. What do I do now that all the obstacles have been put away [temporarily]? How do I make work in a vacuum? It's not a vacuum. There are smells and sounds and history and the rabbits here are HUGE! Any who... I found something that felt pretty true.

"Lessons from the Forest Part 1 & 2. Featuring Sasha Petrenko (all words, music and American English voice), Idilko Frank, German voice and translation, and Alex from Mac OS X text to voice feature. LFF is a "radio-play" about finding and losing oneself in an ever-expanding universe. Multi-media version with video (and subtitles) in production. Parts 3 and 4 coming soon."

It's just a draft. I still need to re-record some of my parts.  But so far, it's something. I'm glad. It's mostly based on my research into ecology, getting lost in the forest, photosynthesis and Timothy Morton's idea of the Hyperobject and how that displaces our sense of nature and the world. This is not an answer, it is more of a questioning, a struggle to find my place within the ecosystem. And one can't help but have some let some personal emotions leak into the process, at least I could not, not now. It wouldn't be true. I'm a bundle of nerves. 

 

Lessons from the Forest

I need to set some boundaries

I want a separation. I need to know where I end

If there are no edges how do I know where I am

 

Why can’t it be black and white 

Can’t we have the old borders back

Isn’t there a way to have them but not hurt anyone

I don’t want it to be so grey

 

everyday I go into the forest

I try to stay on familiar trails

but when I think of you I get turned around 

and I don’t know where I am anymore

I forget

I don’t know where the edge is

 

if I lay down a while 

I don’t really care 

 

but then I’m cold

and my instincts tell me to get up

 

I’m not a pig

I’m not a dolphin

I’M A HUMAN

 

why can’t I touch anything without it changing

————

 

An ecosystem consists of both biotic and abiotic factors. We are biotic in that we live and we die. To be abiotic is to never live, like a stone a stream or a mountain. Within an ecosystem both biotic and abiotic elements will affect change upon the other in a complex web of relationships.

 

In a forest 

the ecosystem relies on species diversity 

to continually evolve under

changing environmental conditions.

 

An abiotic disturbance like 

drought

or climate change

will impact a monoculture more harshly.

 

It lacks the creativity to respond.

It is inflexible in it’s ability to adapt

in time.

 

A diverse community will suffer lower mortality due to the variance among it’s members. 

In some cases disturbance is essential for growth.

————

 

I am not myself 

I’m not feeling myself

 

my 

self

 

My mouth moves

but no words come out

only sounds

 

mind soup pulse 

street foam car lynx 

lamp book key zoo ship 

weed cow cow train grass 

stick stick stick

snag stump seal rock 

rock king crane wind tree

tree tree self tree tree self

finch oil oil ox

oil

ox 

ox

ox

ox

ox

sun

star

moon moon 

rock bird star

moon wind

moon moon

sky

————

 

Plants are sessile, they remain in one place.

They use wind, fire, animals and water to spread their seeds.

 

Lichen is a plant made up of three unique organisms.

It grows most readily where the air is free of toxins.

 

Growing in the canopy of trees, it provides essential

Nitrogen for the forest below. 

 

Lichen consists of algae, fungi and cyanobacteria 

working together in symbiotic relationship.

 

Plants have evolved

complex strategies 

to survive both

biotic and abiotic factors.

 

Collaboration, not competition 

increases survival in the forest.

————-

 

What does it mean

If I am not myself

 

Am I selfless

I need to set some boundaries

what kind of enlightenment is this

 

Words come out of my eyes

You tilt your head to understand

————

 

Through a process known as photosynthesis

plants provide the oxygen 

we need to survive.

 

Photosynthesis requires water, light and oxygen.

Inside the leaves of a plant are chloroplasts which

contain thylakoid stacks. 

 

Light and C-O-2 combine in a chemical reaction

that splits the water molecule

releasing the Oxygen 

we need

to breathe

 

while making sugar

plants use

for food.

————

 

This thing you told me I could have

if only i was good enough

strong enough

right

 

it was is was

blindness

I could close my eyes and sleep

and dream of you

 

somewhere else

some other 

better place

that was still there

despite the wreckage

it existed

 

it was 

it was never 

really there

 

this

here

this

 

US

 

SO

MUCH

————-

 

A forest is an open system

 

External factors become internal 

Rings of influence multiply

Unfolding

and folding 

into the system

spreading

contracting

expanding

rippling

out

forever

 

Beyond words

beyond species

beyond knowing

beyond meaning

 

there is no edge.

           Sasha Petrenko, 2015